Translogistics

When you own a McLaren, the world is your toilet. I think that was McLaren’s ad slogan for a while there, and even if it wasn’t, it’s surely the personal mantra of the pea-bladdered urinator/McLaren MP4-12C owner in this video. I bet he has it embroidered on a throw pillow.

Now, I’m a firm believer in that having to pee while driving is downright dangerous it’s been proven, with science, even¹. So I applaud the man for three things: taking the time to color-match his outfit to his car, his responsibility to make sure he’s not driving while feeling the urge to urinate, and his complete and total lack of any shy bladderism, peeing freely and wantonly right there in the open on the side of the road.

But those fine qualities aside, this guy’s a jackass. Who gets out of their car to pee while waiting in line at a light? Would he have urine-soaked the fine leather upholstery if he just moved the car three goddamn feet to the side of the road so people could pass him? I know it feels like the world stops when you really have to go, but, shockingly, other people and things outside of your own bladder continue to exist.

Plus, did he pee out all his ability to get his car in gear? I’ve heard it can happen.

Finally, of course, is the magic of Baron Urinepants’ giving the pale-armed bird to the driver behind him, the driver who he blocked from making progress while he lavishly coated a public sidewalk in rich, redolent piss. Sure, he was getting filmed, but what the hell did he expect? A man in a McLaren whipping his dick out in public and voiding really isn’t someone who should be bitching about getting unwanted attention.

So, supercar-owners with full, straining bladders, take a lesson from our humble dipshit here: pull over to pee. Ideally not right on a public sidewalk, either, but at least get out of everybody’s way.

Thank you in advance,

Humanity.

(Thanks, Alex!)²

As a lifelong urinator, I like to keep up with all the latest innovations in the field. That’s Read ³

References

1. ^{^} proven, with science, even (jalopnik.com)
2. ^{^} (Thanks, Alex!) (www.facebook.com)
3. ^{^} Read (jalopnik.com)